1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the Continue Reading →
In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is rife with stupidity, here are some actual label instructions from various international consumer products. On a blanket from Taiwan: NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. (Darn, what am I gonna use now???) On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists: REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink: AFTER OPENING, KEEP Continue Reading →
On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.” Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.” In a Non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.” On Maternity Room door: “Push, Push, Push.” At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” At a Car Dealership: “The best way to Continue Reading →
Below are genuine announcements made by tube drivers, on the London Underground. To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?” ********************************************************** At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): “Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers Continue Reading →
The following are actual stories provided by (American) travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?” I got a call from a woman who wanted to Continue Reading →
At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. Insist that your e mail address is: [email protected] [email protected] Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. Put your garbage can on your desk Continue Reading →
January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson’s son. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran his hand over with Continue Reading →
Things you would never know without the movies: When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing parade – at any time of year. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her. The Chief of Police will Continue Reading →