In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is rife with stupidity, here are some actual label instructions from various international consumer products.
On a blanket from Taiwan:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
(Darn, what am I gonna use now???)
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins:
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips:
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter’s special!)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor:
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I’m curious!)
On British Sainsbury’s peanuts:
WARNING – CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I’m glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw;
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a Canadian child’s Superman costume:
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some British frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On a British Boot’s “Children’s” Cough Medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.