So, I’m sat in bed, with the alarm set for 5.30am, with a need to be at the hospital for 6.30am, praying that I am first on the surgeon’s list tomorrow and honestly, just praying that I wake up at the other end of it, minus the cancerous lump that has become a bit painful to-be-honest. I don’t know how much I’m going to blog about this, but sometimes I clearly will – it’s part of what I do… and I hope I manage to do it with a mix of vulnerability and humour, wisdom creating lack of overshare, and with a touch of the educational!!

After dinner with my mum at the excellent (but very small, pre-book if you don’t want 9pm dinner) A Tavola, and a Facetime with my fave office buddy this evening, she suggested I blog about Just Eat being down and her ended up eating rice noodles with bean sprouts and chips in desperation but maybe I’ll write about a couple of other things whilst still rather awake … though Netflix may be calling, and maybe even some sleep!

What can I do to help?

That’s a question I am getting a lot, and I am truly appreciating the outpouring of support coming from so many different directions, though I think the postman is still quite bewildered! To be honest, I don’t really know yet, so having people around who are flexible but don’t necessarily expect a lot back is key!

Those in the Facebook group(s) are very generous – anything that is pass-on-able, people seem to do so, whether it’s advice, experience, or practical goods – taking my ‘drain bag’ tomorrow!

What do I fear?

Well, aside from the thoughts that pop into your mind at unwelcome times such as ‘will I wake up from the op’, and ‘what if it has spread elsewhere’, most of them are more mundane!

However, as comes through over and over again – cancer is something that has to be dealt with appointment by appointment, treatment by treatment – but you know, when you’ve lost control of something you want to try and feel prepared. Probably look back at this in a few months time and think “hah, you were worried about that!” but, you know…

Anyway, my alarm goes off in under 5 hours, better attempt to get some sleep, though the operation is 3-4 hours long, so I guess I’ll sleep then, and most of next week (and I slept very well last night thanks to Boots!). Results should come back about 2.5 weeks later, when I’ll get to meet the oncologist (who’s from The Christie), and find out exactly what they want to do with my treatment over the following 4-5 months…

Here’s to sleep, and to seeing you guys tomorrow evening online (unless I’m not in that headspace, in which case you can enjoy my mum Facebook’ing on my behalf!)

Food Photo by Eaters Collective on Unsplash

Cover Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

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