Well, it’s not fear of the known, more like – as Kaz says ‘The fact is you must face the known this time around with a gut wrenching feeling in your stomach, before the drugs have even had the chance to do that for you. It’s not exciting and it’s not something I had planned on doing again.’ *Oh, and check out #TrueCancerBodies in response to campaigns such as #BosomBuddies.

I’ve had a lovely weekend, keeping myself occupied, meeting a friend to talk research:


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Made it up north (research collaboration en route to a wedding tomorrow) with Jayne .. #busylivingwithmets

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Attending a wedding that has slotted in nicely in between the treatments (yes, I still feel nauseas and overtired, my back is sore, but I could stay in bed and feel sorry for myself, or get out there, and sleep a lot!):


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It’s not #waitingroomfeet today – it’s Suzie and Gareth’s wedding 🙂

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And my cousin has come up to come with me to the hospital today/tomorrow, and we (well, I passed things mostly) caught the little bits of painting that needed doing in the hall, and put up about 85% of the things that needed to go up (I have about half my neighbours toolshed in the house at the moment):


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We have been busy.. esp @findmystyle! #homedecorating #pictures

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But, having hope not to be back in the chemo chair, here we are. This morning I have just taken my steroids (a friend calls these Dexy’s Midnight Runners, as there’s very little sleep to be had with these):

The hospital called this morning and asked me to go in at 1pm, rather than 2pm. So far as I know today is bloods, Herceptin (ensuring I don’t react to this drug – can damage the heart), cold cap fitting ready for tomorrow (yes, I know I said I wasn’t going to use it again, but it worked so well), and picking up a long-term sick-note (I’m expecting to work as/when I feel OK, thankfully I can work from home, and I’ve got things I want to be doing if I’m well enough). Tomorrow I have to be in by 9am, ready for the docetaxel and the perjeta, and then am watched til the end of the day to make sure I don’t react to the drugs. My cousin is with me til tomorrow lunchtime, then the lovely Suzanne is coming for the afternoon and taking me home – I do find the big silver lining of cancer treatment is the time I can sit and chat to friends – and I’ve got to know my neighbours very well as they look out for me!

We’ll have to wait and see how this drug affects me – I had paclitaxel last time – a gentler version of the docetaxel I’m having this time (although I’m hoping to have a reduced dose). It’s the combination of the drugs that I need, rather than the chemotherapy itself, so a bit frustrating to be landed with the heavyweight drugs (though hoping for a reduce dose) – once the steroid high wears off after Wednesday, I’m expecting to crash out (Netflix, here we come, if I’ve got enough brain capacity to focus)… side effects likely to include feeling like been hit by a bus (fatigue/muscle pain), lack of resistance to infection (though I’ll be having those lovely stomach booster self-administered shots) , mouth shot to pieces/lose taste buds (think about what to eat), hair falling out (hopefully cold cap will avoid for head, but leaves open to e.g. drippy nose, ear infections, etc.), hoping to avoid the stomach upset but we’ll see! People seem to say the nadir is 7 days afterwards, and, remember, I have tickets to Hamilton for 29th April!!!!

Expectation is that treatment will continue with:

My gym have given me 3 months complementary membership, til mid July, so I can go and attend odds/ends of classes on, probably ‘the good week’ (no swimming because of infection risk), and I have nearly the whole of August booked off work for annual leave – culminating in Greenbelt (no, I’m not camping!) – I’m seeing if I have enough £ to do my bathroom (tell you, planning house sorting gets you through all sorts)… and if anyone wants to come help with gardening feel free – otherwise just keep offering chats (online/offline) – just we have to be flexible! Looking forward to seeing Natalie Collins on Weds, then I think it’s crash out for the week! Thanks everyone for messages!!!!

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