No Excuses for Church

To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, my brother Frank’s Church is going to have a special No Excuse Sunday.

  • Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say that Sunday is the only day they can sleep in.
  • We will have steel helmets for those who say the roof would cave in if they ever came to church.
  • Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
  • We will have hearing aids for those who say the Pastor speaks too softly – and cotton for those who say he preached too loudly.
  • Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
  • Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.
  • There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner too.
  • One section will be devoted to trees and grass for all those who like to seek God in nature.
  • Finally, the sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.